Being the curious guy I am, recently I was reading want ads on a website by and for churches of Christ. It proved to be some of the funniest stuff I have read for sometime. And, at the same time I was a bit sad. The following is fictional but not far removed from the truth.
WANTED - GOSPEL PREACHER
Congregation in Stuckinthe50's, Iowa seeks pulpit minister.
We are a 61 year old congregation with 78 members, 2 elders and a song leader.
We offer a salary based on experience and provide a 2 bedroom 1 bath house for you and your family. The house needs some work but you can make any improvements you desire with the elders approval.
The ideal candidate must be between 25 and 35 years old, married and have children. He must preach sound doctrine and provide a video of at least 2 lessons. He must have a degree from a conservative brotherhood school (a cappella) and a minimum of 3 years pulpit experience with a record of church growth.
Duties will include dynamic pulpit ministry Sunday morning and night, teach an adult class before worship hour, teach a weekly class at an after school program for 6th grade kids, set up and conduct studies with the lost in the community weekly, visit the local hospital and 2 nursing homes regularly and preach at one of the nursing homes once a month. The ministers wife must be humble and ready to teach the ladies of the church on Tuesday mornings 51 weeks a year.
All ministry will be under the eldership and will be expected to correct the error of the Baptists and other infidels. Lesson plans must be pre-approved for the first 3 months so that the elders can be sure they are doctrinally sound.
Send all enquires to bro' U R Wrong, P.O. Box 20, Stuckinthe 50's, Iowa
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This would be really funny if it were not so true. What churches like this are looking for is SuperSaint! Just step into the nearest phone booth and come out in a Wal-Mart suit holding well worn KJV bible and begin the work that should be done by about 50 or 60 people and see how long you last before you burn out.
Comments?
3 comments:
Royce,
I just had my first laugh of the day.
GOD BLESS
A Brother in CHRIST
Royce,
That is depressingly hysterical. The 'one-man-band' expectations are so rampant in 'conservative' congregations, while the 'liberal' congregations have so many ministers and ministries going on that one wonders how many churches meet under their roof! And yet, into this world I pray that God will allow me to step full-time. Ironically, I want to serve in the upper Mid-West, so I might just find myself in Stuckinthe50's, Iowa someday!
in HIS love,
Nick
Royce,
How true. How hilarious. How sad. Have you seen this one?:
http://www.christianhomesite.com/
funnies/Perfect.html
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